I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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