bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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