I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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