Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
