he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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