Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
