I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
