you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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