I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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