some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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