I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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