I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
