It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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