I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
