It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
