I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
don't judge my taste in strippers
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
