How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
