her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We were destined to go to rehab together
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
