The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You ruined the universe
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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