I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
