I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
