just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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