I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
