There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
