She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
