At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
