my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
