I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
