so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
