There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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