I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
