I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
