This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
