I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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