At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
