Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
