I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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