He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, beer. Big fan.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
