everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
