he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
