Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
