I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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