He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
