so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
