You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
