can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
