The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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