dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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