I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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