MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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