Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
